I have this 'habit' of painting stories or just some scenes with the things/people I see.

It's almost very artistic,very spontaneous.
But I know I am not there yet.

Anyway before I start on my blah blah rants,lemme show you this msg that just poped in my Friendster inbox.


No good.I cant show the whole screen.But anyway this is what this-another-Jason wrote.

I'm Jason ... 21 Yrs Old .... Can We Make Friends ????can add mi in msn and friendster ...... jasonlim2000@hotmail.com
Sometimes I got these kinda"Can we befriend?" msges.I have no idea why?But it never stops.It only slows down sometimes.

Anyway my point is,did you see the flaw in his msg?
I am not mean so I will reply him.
But "can we MAKE friends?"

Sigh.I met those that practice direct translation from mandarin to english.
I dunno if I should tell him that we cant make friends but maybe we can be friends.

Sometimes I dunno why they bothered?Coz I wont meet them and they wont get to text me on my hp anyway.
But I am not mean,right?
I shouldnt be nah nah nah at this poor guy,whatever intentions he had in mind,I assume it had been pure and innocent.
That is always my first judgement on people who havent bite my head or step my tail.
This world always been nice and fine,until a few decided to wreck it off.
I dont usually care what they do to the people outside as long as they dont hurt my comfort zone.

Which of coz made myself feel nauseated at who else but myself?

Sometimes I am just happy at the way my life is.
I have a roof over my head,a less than perfect but still good family.
I never really have to starve,never has any big illness or accidents(and I am not looking fwd to it)
I never belong to the unpopular group and seldom is an outkast.Or izzit outcast?


I was once so geeky and really plain and boring looking and is now glad that I survived that with no shame remembered.
I just never has any boyfriends nor admirers till I step outta high school.
Wait,I correct my term.It is secondary school.

I had never or hardly that I can remember to get something that I always wanted but I am again,never lack of things that I could use of.
(Of coz other than money sometimes,but we are not talking about the ka ching here.I am not really in bad need of them either.)

If I were to be content,life would be good.
And then plain and safe.

Just be content.












Really?
*Raise an eyebrow questioningly*

Would I?(yes,I am not talking about you.You can be content for all you want.We have our own lives.Our lives are mutally exclusive,if you had rem' this.)

To me,I am cool about how my life goes.

And I felt calm and happy when I can sit back and look at people,look at the things around me.
From a couple doing their sweet nothings,to the uncle digging his nose(yurks),to the aunties at the bairgain counter,to the kids shrieking in joy,to the pigeons sunbathing,and back to the blue blue skies.

When I looked at them,looked at everyone and anything from my eyes...I could paint a story and spin some pictures about them.(I know it should be spin a story and paint some pictures.But what fun would it be if you always follow the order?)

They would become a memory.
What is done today will be a memory of yesterday.

I love to be romantic and poetic.
But again I would not be able to pass the tests if I were to audition for either role.

I am unpolished.

And so back to my life.
I wondered what would him/her who had been observing me paint my story?
It sounds a lil' complex here.
But if you had understand what I am talking about all the time,I wouldnt have to go on explaining.

What would be my story?

I dun want it to be as normal as it can be.
Sure it sounds gr8 but when you reach your dying point,you would wonder if you have really live?
Not to the mention the high probablilty that you would find yourself lost in crisis over and over again.

I for certain would love to avoid that.

If the blind could paint,the mute could play(musical instruments),the lame could work...Why cant I,someone with still prefectly functioning body,do something more?


I met up with Eve today.
Most of my gal friends are small and petite(so there Eve),making me feel like Hulk hovering over them.
So I am thankful for still knowing a few girls matching my size.
(I wear a S size top,mind you!)

So we started at a bank with Eve wanting to close her a/c.
She forgot her IC and gave her student pass instead.
The bank teller or cust service(whatever) would have to ask her superior if that could be approved.
I mean...this is of coz nothing wrong.
The boss gave his slient consent and moved to the other counter.

Now this is nothing wrong.Nothing to be upset about anyway.
But then my 'habit' goes again.
I would have thought that the boss would have said that we ought to take our own initiative and be able to authorize such trival matters of our own without having to consult him.

Wait..did I said 'we'?
I meant them,her,not we.
I were never part of the deal.
Not there.

But again should the employee makes decisions without consulting,the boss would have said,"you should have told me!ask me!"Yea..whatever that would make him feels that he is in authority.
He is the boss,not you.I mean her.

So it is always fustrating,conflicting when you are under control.
The top always feast on the one below.If the top is lucky,he/she got to feast on the ones below.

To connect to what I am saying..I wonder if I like that to be me.
(I meant in the position under control,not in control.)

Oh no!

Sure not everyone can be a boss of another,but I am looking fwd to be some place,some role..somewhere I can at least had my own control.

I,being strong and independent wannabe,wants to be in control of my life.
Even if it's work,no one should mess with my work.
As long as I am not doing the wrong things,You dont gimme instructions.

Say if I were the bank teller in the bank just now,I would just chop,acknowledge the identity with just the student pass and of coz the face matching identitee.

Even if it is not right with the S.O.P,the boss shouldnt be able to confront me coz I am doing my job and it is not wrong.
It is just not right coz it isnt stated in the SOP.
But again it is not wrong,so shut up and sit back in ur chair.

What we want here is just some rights and yes,AUTHORITY and CONTROL.
That would give us the respect that's due.

This world has already been stereotyped with the unwritten rules.
Such as:

Girl must be marry to Boy.
Employee must always take up Employer's shits.
Student must always listen to Teacher.
All hair should be black and gals must tie up their hairs.
Guys shouldnt even think of having their mane unattend to.
And so on and so fore.

If you falls outside the rules,you will always be subjected to judgements.
You can dont care about them but mud sticks.

I am looking forward to somewhere,some point I can live my own life with my own rule and treats the rest who are rules doer as E.T.

Nah..I'm kidding.
That is just another judgement.

I am afraid of time coz it passes too fast.
I can be 21 this year and still be young to the adults.
But I will very soon be at the age whereby I would forget what I am living for.

You know that you are only REALLY young when you are looking forward to grow up.
Coz you thought you can be who you wanna be.
When you grow up,you realise it is (I am not saying impossible.Impossible is nothing,yet) not easy.Infact tough so many of us got lost in the wilds.


Oh...I would never get to what I wanna say.
Let's just say I am a critic,too a dreamer.
One harsh and realistic,one kind and .....unrealistic.

We all need a hero.
A lil hero in us and we all have it.
Be it Spiderman,Superman,Batman or Xmen....Let it shine!!

Gee...I love it when I can blog such kinda entries.
May not be good but I am satisfied.

My trampled sunflower passed away.I think it did tried it best to hang on a few days for me.
A minute of silence for it now.
*I have not give it a name but I called it the-sorry-sunflower*